


Boy From The South

by sinemoon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (mentions of) Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Gay crisis, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Roadtrip, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Travel, changlix, discovering of sexuality, felix' grandma is the nicest woman, fictional side-characters, long carrides, non-idols, relationship, sunshine Felix, sweetheart changbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29355480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoon/pseuds/sinemoon
Summary: Changbin has always loved traveling on his own. In his car, to wherever the road takes him. But that was before he met Felix; a boy stranded on the side of the road with a bike in his hand.In which two strangers create a strong bond in the two days they spend together
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

The headlights were turned off. The cd in the player was playing a chill song, low tunes were filling the background of noises, almost exceeding the sound level of the endless running engine. The first rays of sunshine broke through the tops of the trees; it was a graceful sight. The sky was light blue, with a tint of orange on the horizon. The leaves were fresh green, waving in the soft breeze of the late spring. 

The numbers on the dashboard informed that it was 7:15am. An early morning, after a somewhat short night. Changbin has slept in his car for the night, again. It had not been too comfortable, but there was no other way. A hotel or any place was at least another hour of driving away. And the boy was tired. 

Now that the dawn was breaking, he was sitting in the driver’s seat again, making more and more miles to the south. With one hand on the steer, he looked at the map on the empty seat next to him. It was spread out, with a small amount of black marker dots, indicating where his last rest-stops were. Or beautiful places he would visit again. 

There was no end, no destination. Just an endless road. Some miles through the woods and forest, others over flat countryside, with farmhouses here and there, barns and fields. Or a small town. And sometimes he stopped to eat something, or to do some sightseeing. And everytime he was surprised by the wonders of the world. No place was the same. He was a big nature lover, but really enjoyed the town and cities too, when he visited them. 

Sometimes he met people. Just for asking and receiving help direction, and sometimes more than that. He had exchanged numbers with a girl he met in the city, and they happened to talk for some hours. The girl was energetic and bright, it just made him smile and he couldn’t get enough. Soon they would talk again. 

Besides that, he was alone. Just him and his blue Range Rover. At some points the loneliness fatigued him, but he mostly enjoyed his own presence, the silence, the freedom. He loved this road trip to the south with all his heart. 

His finger rolled over the map, estimated that the upcoming town was just 20 minutes away, driving. And he felt relieved, he really needed to get some more supply; he ran out of food and gas. 

He looked up from the map, a ray of sunlight hit him in the face, blinded him. He closed his eyes quickly, seeing spots on his retina for a good amount of seconds. He looked and reached for his sunglasses, put them on quickly when he finally found them. And just when he looked in the rear mirror, he saw a person. He never saw them when he passed by.

A boy, running and waving with one hand, the other on the steer of his bike. It was obvious the stranger wanted him to stop.  
So Changbin pulled over, got out of the car. He looked back and saw the blond haired boy smiling, in relief, most likely.

‘Oh, thank you!’ he exclaimed, walking closer with his bike in the hand. However, he didn’t really walk. He hobbled a little, and from a smaller distance, Changbin saw the ripped, blood-stained trousers. He was a little horrified and looked up at the face of the stranger instead. That face looked joyful, yet dazed. Blond hair parted to the sides of his head. A smaller face, small lips curled up in a smile. 

‘Are you okay?’ Changbin asked quickly, once again looking at the state of the stranger: some blood, bruises and a bike, a flat tire. He didn’t understand the relation between those things, a flat tire shouldn’t be the reason for a fall. 

‘Uhm, yes. Or no, uhm I just need… a ride’. 

‘To where?’ Changbin asked, and noticed a pleasant Australian accent in the stranger's voice. His head was racing with questions; what happened, did you actually fall because of a flat tire, why are you alone in the middle of the road, name, age, where do you live, and where are you going?  
Yet he remained calm, or at least, he tried. 

The stranger seemed to find that a hard question, as his eyes went up, and did not say anything. He stumbled on his words.  
‘It doesn’t matter, actually’ his lips formed a stripe for a second. ‘I just need some place to get my bike repaired’. 

Changbin frowned. ‘It’s just your tire, ri-?’ And then he noticed the tire was indeed broken, inflected. Not in state to ride on, to say at least. ‘Oh. Yeah, that needs to be repaired’ In automatism, his hand went to his own hair, ruffling it a bit, thinking. ‘There’s a town about 20 minutes away from here, I thought’. 

‘Yes, I know. Can you.. maybe… take me there? If it’s no burden. If there’s no space, I will just.. wait for another car to pass’. 

‘No, no, it’s okay. I have space. Besides, there will be no car to pass here, this is one dead road’ Changbin chuckled while walking to the trunk of his car, opening it. ‘C’mere with that bike’. 

‘Thank you a lot, you’re a saviour’ the boy smiled, while hopping closer to hand Changbin his bike.  
‘It’s no problem at all’. He carefully, good as it goes, placed the bike in his trunk, which is luckily big enough when the rear seats are retracted. It was packed now, with the bags, and the ‘bed’ and the bike. 

‘Wow, are you sleeping in here?’ the blonde boy asked, waiting for the other boy to get into the car first, being shy. 

‘Yep, it’s quite nice, I can tell you’.  
The stranger then realised the other was relatively short, he was firm but small. A cute contrast, in his eyes. He took a closer look when they both stepped in the car, Changbin quickly removing all of his belongings from the passenger seat. A sharp face, yet somewhat chubby cheeks. A small mouth, dark eyes and a bigger nose. Manly, but not too intimidating or anything.

He caught himself staring, until the other looked at him. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Felix’ the blonde male said.  
‘Nice to meet you, Felix. I’m Changbin’.

The cd had stopped playing. A silence fell, after countless hours of Changbin’s favorite music. Felix had unconsciously been humming along, as he liked the type of music. 

‘Do you have more of this?’ he asked.  
‘Yeah, around three other cd’s’ Changbin laughed. ‘You like this music?’  
‘I do, actually. I’m hearing most of them for the first time’. Felix nodded, watched how Changbin took out the cd and put in a new one. One of seven cd’s that he had prepared for his trip. You could say he was addicted to music. But it was harmless, it was some kind of healing. He immediately recognised the familiar notes that now filled the air in the car. 

‘Mmh, cool. I don’t know a lot of people with the same music taste as me’. He looked to his right and saw how Felix smiled as he looked outside.

‘They’re missing out, obviously’. the blonde boy said and held his hand up to protect his eyes from the sun rays that suddenly made its way into the car. The weather was still as peaceful as it was in the earliest of the morning, the sun just a little higher above the horizon now, giving off a comfortable warmth. 

‘If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to you? With your bike?’ 

Felix turned his head to the other male. ‘Oh yeah, about that. See, I’m just cycling a lot these days, but my tire got flat. And when I left from home I was sure I had everything I needed packed, but apparently I forgot my bicycle pump. So stupid!’  
Changbin frowned, waited for the other to continue telling his story. 

‘When it was not too flat yet, I continued cycling, just to see how far I would come. And a car passed then, but uhmm.. he was driving way too much to the side and basically I fell off my bike’ Felix was clearly embarrassed as he hid his face behind his hand. ‘It was just two inconveniences at once’. 

Changbin didn’t know exactly the right way to answer, he looked at the other with a face of sympathy. ‘Such an asshole, that driver. They didn’t even stop to help you out?’  
Felix laughed at his first remark. ‘No, they didn’t. But don’t worry, the wound isn’t too big’. 

‘Bro, you could barely walk just now!’ the other exclaimed, once again looking at the now dried blood on the knee of the blonde boy. ‘Are you sure you didn’t break anything?’ 

‘I’m sure I didn’t, it’s just a minor injury. I’m used to this’.  
Oh, how worried Changbin suddenly was for the health of this hitchhiker that stepped into his car. ‘Used to this?’ 

‘I ride my bike a lot. And sometimes I fall’ Felix simply replied, indifferent, like it happened to him every other day.

‘Oh wow, that’s cool. Where were you going now, before you stranded here?’  
‘I don’t know, wherever the road takes me’. 

Now Changbins eyebrows shot up, looking at Felix in amazement. This boy next to him was getting more and more interesting with the minute that passed. Now the things made sense; the big backpack that Felix was carrying, now placed in the trunk, the well-equipped bike (with no pump), and the fact that he was cycling on a long, almost endless road. 

‘Wow, impressive’ Changbin nodded. ‘Like for one day or more days?’  
‘A few days. I sleep in cheap hotels or bed and breakfasts’. 

Changbin felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He slowly turned his head to Felix. ‘Wow’ he said. 

Felix let out a laugh, threw his head back a little, finding the driver’s expression very funny. Changbin noticed that that laugh was surprisingly high pitched, for someone with such a deep voice. It made him smile, just from hearing that sound. 

‘I assume you’re a traveler too? A roadtripper?’ Felix observed, still smiling.  
‘Yes,’ the other nodded. ‘I have no idea where I’m going either’.  
‘It’s awesome, isn’t it?’  
‘Oh, yes. How I wish to do this forever…’ 

Felix agreed, but quickly reconsidered. ‘Although you don’t often see people do this on their own, right? Usually there’s a couple or a group of friends traveling together’. 

‘Hmm yeah. I wouldn’t say I have no friends-’ Changbin couldn’t help but chuckle before he continued his sentence. ‘-but I don’t have friends that I would go on a road trip with. You only should do that with certain, special, people. And being alone is awesome.’ He thought for a second, then added ‘most of the time’.

‘You’re right’ Felix mumbled, turned his head and looked at Changbin. They made eye contact for a few seconds, it resulted in the both of them breaking into a smile. And when Changbin rehandled himself and paid attention to the road, Felix was still all smiles, even when a silence fell. And he just stared out of the window, with the soft tunes playing in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends !
> 
> thanks for reading my first chapter! i hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> hope to see you in the next one :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little short chapter, i promise there will be longre ones upcoming!

The town they drove in was small, but it had a lively feel. It was a beautiful day, and so naturally, many people could be seen outside. Shopping, walking their dogs, sitting on a terrace with a drink in the hand, all the different things people enjoyed. It was very different from all the places Changbin knew. He was used to the big cities, bustling places where he could never seem to unwind. 

Which is why he loved the small, peaceful streets he drove on now. He tried his best to pay attention to the traffic around him, but he was far too excited. And Felix too; his head was glued to the glass of the car door, gazing outside. 

Changbin parked the car, they both took a deep breath.  
He glanced at Felix, who looked back at him. ‘Do you think you can walk?’

Felix bit his lip. ‘Maybe not too easily, but let’s try. I’m just hoping that there will be a bike shop in this town’.  
‘Then we should carry your bike with us, right? In case there is one.’  
‘Yeah.. but that’s inconvenient. Let’s just leave it here until we find a place’. 

Changbin nodded, got out of the car and stretched out his tense body. He inhaled the air; an unfamiliar and strange scent. But it felt free. He was so far away from his original home, and now this place felt like some kind of home too. 

Felix went to stand beside him, smiled. ‘I can walk, but it hurts though.’ he said with a painful smile.  
‘Ahh… Let me know when it’s unbearable. I won’t walk too fast’ Changbin. ‘That street over there looks like it could contain some kind of store we’re looking for. Let’s go’. 

So the two of them strolled down the streets rather slowly, but to their dismay, there wasn’t a shop that could repair Felix’ bike.  
‘This is sad’ the blonde boy exclaimed.  
‘Wait a second’ the other said, as he smirked and reached for his phone. ‘We could just look on the internet if there’s something here. If not, we just drive to the next town’.  
‘You’re smart’ Felix returned a playful smirk. The both of them chuckled and Changbin tried to connect his phone to a free wifi point. The place turned out to be a coffee bar. So they walked in.

While the wifi was connecting, Felix was just looking at the menu, almost drooling. He now realized that he had been hungry, and thirsty. His backpack with food supply was still in the trunk of Changbin’s Range Rover, many streets away from where he was standing now. He reached in his pocket, but of course his wallet was in his backpack too. 

He turned around, saw Changbin scrolling on his phone, he had taken a seat at one of the vacant tables. ‘Felix, come here for a second?’ he gestured, and the blonde boy did.  
‘There’s nothing here, it’s just a tiny town. We should just continue driving then’.  
‘Aah..’ Felix’ lips formed a smile that just implied that he was disappointed. ‘Yeah, in that case, we should’.  
They both fell quiet now, as Changbin nodded and proceeded to scroll on his phone, enjoying the free wifi for as long as he could. 

Felix was restless, couldn’t sit still. He was hungry, tired and nervous. For what reason? He didn’t know. But he cleared his throat. ‘Can we.. maybe take a break first? Eat something?’  
‘Hmm? Oh, yes sure. Good idea’ Changbin looked up, smiled. ‘Want to drink something from here?’ 

The other boy nodded in excitement. ‘Yes. Don’t worry, I will pay you back. My wallet is in your car-’  
‘Don’t bother, it’s my treat’ Changbin has already stood up and walked to the employee behind the counter.  
‘Good afternoon. I would like to order a black coffee and-’ he gestured Felix to join him. He made his way to the counter quickly, saw two pairs of eyes staring at him, knowing it was his turn to place an order.  
‘Uhm, latte macchiato’ Felix muttered, caught off guard by Changbins boldness.  
‘Okay, that’s all?’ the employee asked, scribbling the order on a note. 

‘Please two pieces of this cake too’. The employee nodded as Changbin pointed to the one he meant.  
Felix could hardly hide his excitement, he really craved some sweet pastry. 

A few moments later their order was done, they walked out of the coffee bar, walking right into the warm atmosphere outside. With their hot coffee in the hands, the cake in a little paper bag. 

‘Thank you’ Felix then said looking at Changbin as they walked back to the car slowly.  
‘It’s no problem’ the other replied, giving Felix a short look and smiled.  
‘Still, I’m thankful. For helping me out earlier too’.  
‘Shh, stop. There’s really no need to thank me’. 

Felix blushed, chuckling a little in embarrassment. The two of them sat down on a low stone wall close to the car, in the sunlight. 

Both of them tried to find a topic to talk about, but neither of them succeeded. It was an awkward silence that they just wanted to fill with a conversation. But for now they had their coffee and pastry and that was their focus for that moment. 

It was all finished, the remaining paper cups and bags were thrown in the garbage bin, and Felix stretched out, yawning. The satisfaction in his stomach, the great taste of the food and drink made him feel drowsy now. It was just the beginning of the afternoon, but he felt tired. It hadn’t been an easy day so far. He stretched again, mumbling ‘Well then, let’s hit the road again’. 

Changbin turned his head to the other, tired, boy. ‘Shit… I should do some shopping first. I’m running out of supplies for myself. I better do that now, I hate to postpone such things’.  
‘Ahh..’ Felix mumbled, his shoulders drooping down, but he tried to not show his weak side.  
‘You don’t necessarily have to come with me, if your leg hurts too much. You can wait here, or in the car if you want. As long as you promise to not look through or steal my stuff’. He realized that sounded stupid. Even if Felix was a thief or some kind of liar, he would always say an obedient of course to the question he just asked. 

‘If I can wait in the car, that would be nice. And of course, I won’t do that’. Felix's voice was lower now, soft.  
‘Okay then’ Changbin smiled, walked to his car and opened the door on the passenger’s side. Felix got in and smiled softly.

‘I’ll be back soon’ the shorter boy closed the door and grabbed one of his bags from the trunk. He made a quick eye contact with the blond haired in his car before walking to the nearest supermarket. 

It took him around 15 minutes, but when made his way outside, he feared that the passenger would be gone. That he had left him, took his belongings and disappeared into thin air. Then this wonderful morning would have turned into a nightmare. 

But when he got his blue car in sight, he saw the person he wished to see. Felix was asleep in the front seat of his car.


	3. Chapter 3

Felix was catching some z’s for around 45 minutes now. The music was intentionally turned off, it was quiet in the car. The surroundings were now tree-lined roads with houses shattered over the landscape. Clouds have filled the sky, and occasionally the sun broke through. 

Changbin glanced to his right, where his passenger was shifting a little in his sleep. And it has to be said that Changbin had a weakness for sleeping people. He didn’t know if that was weird or anything, but seeing people asleep just made him feel at peace. When asleep, it just becomes quiet. He liked quiet.

Felix didn’t snore, but certainly made little noises. Sometimes a quiet, almost inaudible groan, or just some kind of sigh. He occasionally shifted in his carseat, repositioning his head on his arms against the window. His lips were slightly parted. And Changbin wished all this didn’t affect him as much as it actually did now. 

On an empty road with no traffic, where he didn’t have to pay that much attention to the road, he just couldn’t help but glance at the other boy. He was like a magnet, two poles attracting. Everytime he caught himself looking, again, again and again. He didn’t know what he hoped to see every time he turned his head. He wanted to see Felix asleep, but he couldn’t wait until he would wake up and look him in the eyes again. 

A deep sigh fell over his lips, he pressed his hands hard into the steering wheel, frustrated as he was. He didn’t recognise this feeling, he didn’t know what it was. Yet again, he looked at the blonde boy next to him, whose chest was now raising, taking a deep breath. 

Changbin automatically copied him, letting air fill his lungs, he felt like he just woke up from a deep sleep, just like Felix. Both his hands on the steer, he tried to bring his mind back to the car, the long road. The present. 

‘Mmhh..’ Felix mumbled, his eyes fluttered open, he took a quick, lazy look at his surroundings. ‘I fell asleep?’ His voice was deep, drowsy. He spoke inwardly, Changbin needed a second to understand what the other was saying. 

He nodded, his lips formed a smile, he turned his head to just glance at Felix, but he couldn’t help to keep eye contact for a good two seconds, seeing how he rubbed his eyes with his index finger.   
‘Yeah, for quite a while’. 

‘Oh really?’ Felix spoke, now with a clear and brighter voice. ‘Wow..’ 

‘You were kinda cute tho’.   
The words left Changbin’s lips before he could even think about it. And he immediately regretted it. This straight up sounded like flirting, and he didn’t want to sound like he was flirting. He was bad at it, he claimed. It was just a hopeless case. And with this boy, it confused him extra. Why did his brain even decide to flirt with a boy?

‘No, don’t say that’ Felix chuckled, his cheeks flushing red, letting his head fall back on the headrest. He stole a glance at Changbin, who was smiling as well, finding Felix’ reaction adorable. 

‘Sorry’ he apologised quickly, and tried to rehandle himself, but he unconsciously kept smiling for some time.

Felix looked outside the window. Suddenly his eyes widened. ‘Hey, that looks beautiful. I think I’ve been there before’ he said, sounding way more agile.  
Changbin looked to his right too, saw what Felix was talking about. Behind the trees and bushes was a little lake, surrounded by thin afforestation. It looked so appealing. 

‘Oh, have you? We could go take a look, if you want’ Changbin offered, and Felix nodded.   
‘Ah, yes. That would be super cool. It’s pretty’ he grinned, still with his eyes fixed to the outside world. 

So, they did as they agreed. They found a way to get closer to the lake, found a parking place. Felix got out first, he was hobbling on his leg a little. ‘I’m okay’ he uttered quickly before Changbin could say anything about it. 

They walked a little bit through the small forest that was awakening in the spring. Maybe it was just the weather, the bright blue sky, the sharp rays of sun shining through the fresh green leaves, but it was indeed pretty, just like Felix had said. And that was even before they saw the vast water right before their eyes. 

‘You’re right,’ Changbin said then. ‘There’s a place over there to sit down.’ He pointed towards a bench, located besides the path. The two sat down in silence, simply enjoying the peaceful ambience.

It was Changbin who took a deep breath, and then started the conversation again.  
‘Hey Felix, how are you gonna do it with your leg? If it still hurts, can you ride your bike?’ 

The other boy brought his eyes to him while he was thinking. ‘I… don’t know. Stretching it hurts, it probably won’t be better if I ride my bike. I should probably let it rest’. 

‘Yeah, you should’. 

‘And just go home’. 

Changbin’s heart somehow ached at those words. Home. Felix. Those two words strangely connected in a way he couldn’t understand. Still there was tension between the words together. Should he let go of him now, if he went home? 

But what was he even thinking? Of course. This stranger had nothing to do with him, except for the help he had offered. So why did he feel upset?

He mentally scolded himself for not bringing a first aid kid or something, so he could make it easier for Felix to walk and move around. Yet he didn’t think of it while leaving for his road trip, and now he was left with only one option. 

‘I will drive you home’.   
The words drew over his lips quietly, as if they didn’t want to be spoken. 

‘You don’t have to, really’ Felix protested, his voice fragile. ‘I don’t live close from here, honestly. I-I don’t want to bother you on your road trip’.   
‘Felix,’ Changbin spoke, now connecting the two pairs of eyes. Felix’s eyes were bigger now, his perfect brows were angled in a way that expressed guilt, sadness.   
‘The idea of a road trip is to go and see wherever you end up. If i end up at the end of the world to bring you home, my road trip is successful’. 

The blonde haired thought about this for a second, he slowly nodded. ‘You’re right..’. He faced the other way again, sunlight hitting him in the face, shifted a little so that he wouldn’t get blinded. His face looked rather sullen now. 

Changbin looked at him, worried.   
‘Hey, what’s wrong? If you don’t want me to drive you home, just tell me. I could drop you at a train station or whatever’. 

‘No, it’s fine. I’m just upset that my trip didn’t work out the way I wanted, that I have to go home already’ Felix sighed, an awful amount of disappointment that was expressed in that. ‘But thank you for driving me. Really, I mean it. I feel like a burden to you, you just wanted to do this trip alone and now you have someone else you didn’t expect. I’m sorry’. 

Changbin’s hand landed on Felix’ thigh. And he himself was as surprised by that as the blonde boy whose eyes widened slightly, clenching his teeth.   
But honestly, Changbin couldn’t care anymore about this. He looked into the dark brown eyes that were looking back at him. 

‘It was only good meeting you on that road. Being alone is cool, but being with someone nice is even cooler, you know’. 

‘You really don’t mind me.. being here?’ the other asked, his voice quiet. 

‘I really don’t. I’m enjoying it. Life comes with unexpected turns, and how it gave me-’ he spoke but was interrupted when a dog came suddenly running towards them, barking excitedly. A woman hobbled after the animal, calling her pet back. But the dog didn’t stop, and went to sniff around the two boys on the bench. 

The woman rehandled the control over her pet, looking ashamed when she mumbled a ‘Sorry.’ Felix however gave her a friendly smile, said ‘It’s no problem’, quickly petted the brown fur before the woman and dog continued their brisk on the path.

Changbin was caught off guard. He thought to himself that the little poetic speech he was giving was becoming really cheesy anyways, so he kept his mouth shut about it and changed topic. 

‘So where do you live?’ His frown changed into a friendly smile, glancing at Felix who looked back at him smiling. 

‘It’s a small town, you probably won’t know it. So he took his phone, looked at the online map. His eyes wandered over the screen for a few seconds, and then pointed to a place, on almost the most southeast point of the country. Changbin guessed 6 hours driving from the place they were now. Wow.

Felix already started talking before the other could even ask. ‘I totally didn’t cycle all the way from where I crashed my bike, no. When I left home, I took the train first for a long amount of time. I don’t like cycling in the places I know well’. 

‘Mh, understandable. I would do the same,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna bring you there. Alright?’

Felix nodded. ‘Alright’.


	4. Chapter 4

It had started raining. The water was ticking on the windscreen, almost in a therapeutic way. They drove through and past cities and towns, it was clear this part of the country was more civilized. Felix didn’t pay much attention to it, though; he was on his phone for some time. Changbin was okay with that, he enjoyed the silence as much as the conversations.

He had noticed that the more time they spent together, the easier it became to talk. They moved on to deeper and longer conversations, talking about themselves. Their love for traveling and their own road-trip, work, hobbies, even topics like politics and moral questions came up for discussion, in all those hours they spent in the car. Changbin was intrigued by the other boy, wanting to know more and more about him. 

They came to know that they were around the same age, Changbin being only one year older with his 21 years of life. It was surprising for him, since he swore that Felix looked much younger. Surprising, in a good way, though. It was easier to connect to someone who was in the same stage of life. 

Although Felix didn’t seem to enjoy talking about his family; he kept the information rather short, truncated. He said he was an only child, that he was born in Australia, but that he moved here. And that was basically it. Changbin got super curious, but didn’t ask more about this. 

They had been driving for hours, with occasional stops at a resting point, to eat and stretch out, go to the toilet or whatever. And now the end of the afternoon was luring, it was around the time they got hungry. 

Changbin looked up and looked at Felix. ‘I should take a rest from driving. Could you maybe look up if there’s some kind of hotel close here?’

‘Sure’. He grabbed his phone. ‘We’re not gonna make it home today?’   
‘No, only if we keep driving continuously. But I’m very tired. We better find a place to stay for tonight’. 

Felix looked at the driver, he nodded. ‘Yeah, you’re right’. 

Changbin’s fingers were tapping on the steer, as he was feeling uncomfortable in the busy traffic at the moment. And he was still waiting for a route to a hotel from Felix, now he didn’t know what roads to take. It all combined with the exhaustion made him restless. ‘Sorry we can’t make it today’ he sighed.

‘I’m just happy with it’. the other simply replied, looking up from his phone and smiled. 

Changbin didn’t know what he meant to say with that, but he decided not to ask about it. He hoped that it meant that he just enjoyed the driving in the car. Or maybe that he wanted to spend more time with him.   
And he then realised he had unconsciously been smiling ever since he made eye contact. Again. It kept happening, whether he wanted it or not. 

‘I found something’ Felix mumbled, showed his phone to Changbin, who stopped at the side of the road to take a closer look. Felix showed a hotel in this city that looked good enough, and it was close from where they were. 

‘Great, we’ll just go for that one. What are the prices?’   
Felix scrolled down for further information and showed Changbin, who nodded. ‘Neat. I assume we split the costs? Both our own room?’ he chuckled, scratching his neck. ‘Is that okay?’ 

‘Hhmm’ Felix nodded, but he rather looked like he was thinking about it, like he wasn’t sure at all. ‘But maybe we can just..’ he hesitated. ‘..share a room?’ 

Changbin looked at the other, straight into the eyes. He was a person who had a strong preference for sleeping alone, having a room for his own. Sharing that, a part of his privacy, was something he felt uncomfortable with. And now he would have felt like that too; if it wasn’t for this situation. 

Because when he looked into Felix’ eyes, he knew it was okay. Somehow, this stranger that was stranded on the side of the road, that took place on the passenger seat, made him feel at ease.   
Now his mind was just screaming at him, screaming that he should just agree with Felix’ proposal. And it was the best option, right? It was clear that neither of them wanted to spend a lot of money on their trip. Sharing a room would mean saving a lot. Plus, it was only for one night. 

‘Okay. Let’s do that’. Even Changbin himself was surprised with how confident he sounded. Felix nodded, but didn’t look up.

5 minutes later they arrived and walked over to the trunk to get their bags out. The hotel looked relatively big, and was located in the centre of the city. The transition from the calm to the hustle of the city was overwhelming, Changbin took a deep breath, as he tried to keep himself calm. Felix glanced at him, worried. ‘Let’s go inside quickly’. 

And they had enough reason to get in as fast as possible; it was raining cats and dogs by now. 

‘Nice weather!’ Changbin chuckled sarcastically as they ran to the entrance together.   
‘Yeah!’ Felix giggled in that high-pitched laugh. ‘For ducks!’ 

Their laughter soon quieted down to match the calm ambience of the hotel lobby. The receptionist looked up as two happy and wet young men came in and made their way to the desk. 

Felix took the lead in reserving a room. His voice was gentle, charming, deep. Changbin listened to it, how it was different from the way he talked to him. Felix was so friendly to the hotel employee, as well as to him, but now he was extra polite in his tone and word choice. It was very charming after all, someone with good manners.

‘Yes, thank you very much’ he spoke and looked over his shoulder to Changbin who was behind him. ‘Room 240, let’s go’.   
‘Wait, don’t I have to pay as well? Splitting costs?’ the dark-haired muttered.   
‘It’s my treat’. Felix smiled as he used the same tone and pronunciation as Changbin did when treating Felix coffee and cake earlier that day. 

He looked at the other, feeling too many things at the same time. Gratefulness, betrayal, since this is not what they had agreed on, surprise, but then the feelings were outvoted when he realised Felix was copying him and the thing he had said earlier.

‘Really, Felix..’ he grinned, and Felix cocked a wink at him and made his way to the elevator.   
Changbin was perplexed, but ran after him quickly and they got in the elevator too.

The hotel employee looked at them in awe. She wondered how two people could be so excited while the weather made the world look gloomy and everyone in the hotel seemed to have a bad day. Seeing the couple being as happy as kids, just made her smile from ear to ear. Some people should never be taken away from each other, and just judging on the looks the two males were giving each other, she knew that applied to them.

-

The hotel room they stumbled in laughing, was a typical hotel room. Nothing too special. They didn’t pay a lot of attention to it as they were both tired and were still unexplainably elated. For some reason they were just feeling corny, people have that sometimes. 

Changbin was the first to drop down on one of the beds. A long content sigh drew over his lips. Felix threw his bag on the floor and fell on the other bed. ‘Ow’ he chuckled when the bed turned out to be not so gentle for his back as he expected. The room was now filled with the laughter of both of them, until they eventually quieted down, remembering how tired they were. 

It was 6pm. A difficult time, because it was far from time to sleep, but they didn't know what to do in the time between now and bedtime either. 

They spent the afternoon just laying on their bed, on their phone doing their own thing. They had a little meal together, consisting of food that they had packed in their bags. It was still raining, it made the atmosphere chill and quiet. 

And finally the sun began to set. Felix had opened the window to snap some pretty pictures of the sky that was painted in numerous colours. 

The time went so slowly, the two travellers could feel every minute pass. Changbin was laying on his bed, watching cat videos when Felix came out of the bathroom after spending some time there, taking a shower. White t-shirt, black shorts. 

Changbin looked up from his phone, in reflex, automatism. And he swore to himself that his brain stopped working for a good second. His eyes were glued to the blonde, now wet haired, boy. His whole aura had changed. Like the softness was washed away with the showerwater. And even though his hair was a mess, he looked somehow unmeasurably attractive. 

He bit his lip without even thinking of it, tried to understand what his mind was telling him. It was a mess in his brain as he looked at Felix who stole a quick glance before kicking off his bath slippers and fixing his hair in the mirror that was positioned on the wall.

Why did he suddenly feel so giddy, why was his heart pounding, Changbin thought. He fixed his eyes on his phone, but yet again was distracted. Suddenly there was eye contact via the mirror. 

‘What are you looking at?’ Felix mumbled, his one mouth corner quirking upwards. 

‘Umm.. Uh.. nothing’ he uttered, biting his lip, so frustrated he was. 

‘I mean, whatcha watching?’ Felix’s hand went through his hair, attempting to style it. And then that smile came back, that showed his teeth, that happy little smile.

‘Oh’ Changbin spoke, his cheeks flushing red. ‘Uhh, just cat videos. I was bored..’   
‘Cat videos!!’ Felix laughed in disbelief, his voice changing from the deep to the high, excited tone. And he waddled closer, bent over and looked at the screen, where were, indeed, cat videos playing. 

It wasn’t helping at all; Changbin inhaled the scent of the shampoo. And although it was a scent he didn’t know, the smell was good, he wanted to just grab a lock of Felix’ hair and sniff.   
He could resist himself, because Felix soon straightened himself and then fell over on his own bed. Changbin was taken back to reality; he suddenly didn’t feel like watching videos anymore. 

He turned off his phone, connecting it to the charger.   
Felix looked over at him. ‘You’re gonna sleep?’ he asked.   
‘Mmh’ Changbin nodded, looked back and smiled.   
‘Goodnight’.   
‘Sweet dreams’. 

-

Changbin scolded himself mentally for not bringing earplugs. There was too much noise outside, from the city and traffic that was going on 24/7, but also the sounds coming from Felix were keeping him awake. His tossing and turning, restless as he was. That made the both of them; Changbin couldn’t lay still, as he couldn’t sleep at all. It was only a bit after 00.00 o’clock.

At first he blamed his surroundings, the noises and strange surroundings. But it did not make any sense; he had slept in more uncomfortable places after all, even in his car, a small and cramped place, with all sounds of the outside world.

Maybe it was the presence of this stranger sleeping two meters away from him. Perhaps he should have just insisted on taking his own room. 

He was taken aback as the sudden sound of an unfamiliar ringtone filled the room. He gasped, sat up, looked in the half dark, saw only the vague shim of the person next to him waking up.

Felix groaned lowly, reached out for his phone on the nightstand that was loudly ringing and lighting up. 

Changbin saw in the light of the phone a face that expressed worry, then the light went off. Now Felix hesitated but spoke. 

‘Dad?’ His voice was broken as he had just woken up. He sat upright whilst listening to the voice on the other side of the line. 

Changbin was frozen, he had a bad feeling about this. He waited. 

‘Oh shit.. no!’ Felix mumbled, a deep sigh was heard. Suddenly the night lamp went on, leaving Changbin blinded and fell back into his pillows. Felix had only half realised that his roommate was awake too, he bit on his lip in guilt that he had blinded him by turning on the light. 

‘Y-Yeah. Sorry… really, sorry. Yes, I will. Okay..’   
With that the phone call ended, Felix drew out another long sigh as his hands went to his hair, then covering his face. He murmured inaudible words. ‘No, no, no..’ 

Changbin squeezed his eyes to splits, getting used to the amount of light. ‘Felix.. Who was that?’

The other didn’t respond, still hiding his face. 

‘Lix?’ He threw away his blanket and got up, sat down on the edge of the other bed. His hand reached out to Felix’ knee that was covered under the blanket. 

Finally the blonde boy looked at him, his eyes were full of distress. 

‘I have to go home. Right now’.


	5. Chapter 5

What followed was a silence that lasted for a painfully long moment. Changbin could only look at the boy in front of him. 

‘What happened?’ he finally managed to get out.  
Felix didn’t respond, but threw the blanket away and got out of bed. He started walking around the room, his hand firmly holding his phone. 

‘Hey, hey..’ Changbin stood up now too, walked up to him. Felix stood still and looked at him, his eyes expressed guilt and despair.  
‘I’m sorry’ he muttered. ‘I’m ruining everything here. You just want to sleep and- I will just take the train. I’m sorry for waking you up-’  
‘Stop, okay?’ Changbin broke him off, his voice loud and clear. His hands were gesturing in frustration, shaking a little too. ‘Don’t say sorry, first tell me what is going on. Why do you have to leave?’ 

The other took a deep breath, then his head drooped down.  
‘My grandmother is taken to the hospital. She got a heart attack. Oh my gosh, no, I can’t process it, I-’ he muttered, the last words of his sentence were broken as his eyes filled up with tears. Quiet sobs drew over his lips. 

It was a reflex; Changbin pulling the crying boy in his arms. However Felix was just a little taller than him, the blonde boy looked so small and fragile in his embrace. He rested his head on Changbin’s firm shoulder, as he cried quietly. 

‘That is terrible..’ Changbin whispered, stroking Felix’ back gently, staying quiet for a moment.  
‘Do you really wanna go to her now?’ 

Felix hesitated but pulled apart from the warm embrace. He took a breath, looked at Changbin.  
‘Yes’ he spoke. ‘But I can take the train myself, you need rest’. 

And for a split second he thought it was all part of a plan, a joke that Felix was pulling on him. It was a ridiculous thought, but so was the situation, right? 

Because, to be honest, he didn’t comprehend what was happening. He barely knew about Felix’ family situation, he knew nothing about his grandmother. Was Felix close to her?  
Why did he keep repeating ‘sorry’ on the phone with his father? What had he done wrong? What was the reason Felix was so desperate to leave at this exact moment?

Then he felt Felix’s eyes burning in his own, he saw the fear, and actually, he trusted him. Which brought him to rehandle himself and speak up again. 

‘No, no, please let me bring you there. Don’t go with the train in the middle of the night, I tried that once and I don’t recommend’. 

Felix couldn’t help but chuckle, as he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. ‘You’re right.. But I don’t wanna bother you’.

‘I’m bringing you, period. I couldn’t sleep anyways. It’s okay’. 

Felix smiled, as far as he could smile right now. ‘Thank you’ he muttered. 

Roughly 20 minutes later all of their belongings were packed again, and they were outside. They were lucky that the service at the hotel desk was still available, so they could check out. It had stopped raining when they were outside, they got into the blue Range Rover again. Felix let his head rest to the window, his eyes shut tight. 

Changbin looked up the location of Felix’ home that the other had already put in his navigation app earlier that day. The car engine started, they drove off the hotel terrain, and to the highway. 

There was a deafening silence. It was in the middle of the night, the world was asleep.  
Felix sat curled up against the car window, facing down. In his hands still his phone, like he was expecting another call or message. But it remained quiet, which was both concerning and comforting at the same time. 

Changbin was deeply hurt. He couldn’t stand seeing people upset; and especially not this person. His heart ached. He needed answers to his questions.  
‘Do you mind telling me more about.. your family? Your grandmother?’ he spoke quietly, glancing at Felix, who was barely moving before, but now raised his head a little. 

‘I’m living with her’ was the only thing he replied. 

‘Really? Why?’ 

He seemed to ponder about that before he said ‘I don’t really know, we just get along well together’.  
His head sank down again, resting on the window. 

Changbin looked up at him. ‘I really hope she will be okay’. 

Felix nodded at this, closed his eyes. ‘When will we arrive?’

‘Two hours, max’. Changbin read from the navigation. ‘Do you need anything?’ 

‘Please put on some music’ the other replied. Changbin smiled, he gladly did. The atmosphere in the car was getting tense, music was a good way to bring back the positivity. 

As soon as happy tunes were playing, a small smile appeared on Felix’s mouth. He closed his eyes again but he seemed like he was actually resting now, not with so much mental torture from before. It calmed Changbin down too, as the words on the cd made up for everything he couldn’t say. 

‘I need your love to guide me back home  
When I'm with you I'm never alone  
I need to feel you feel you tonight, I need to tell you that it's alright ‘

Felix’ eyes had opened now, they looked around in the dark, and found the person who was driving. Changbin was humming along, quietly, glanced over and looked Felix into his eyes, as well as possible in the dark. Changbin fell silent, he tried to keep looking at the boy on his right, but had to focus on the road. 

He still wanted to show Felix that he cared, that he would want to give his everything to make him feel better. His right hand left the steer, it groped for something of Felix. A hand, a leg, whatever. 

He found a thigh. Yet he didn’t know what to do with that. And he was about to pull back, regretting his attempt to search for contact, when he found a hand. Warm and small in size. It searched for a way to comfortably hold Changbin, and then the two hands rested on Felix’ thigh. 

Changbin thought he was dreaming, but the tingling feeling in his stomach told him otherwise. 

The song was still playing, on low volume, but the words were clearly audible. And the song had never made more sense ever before. 

‘We'll never be as young as we are now  
It's time to leave this old black and white town  
Let's seize the day, let's run away, don't let the colors fade to gray  
We'll never be as young as we are now (as young as we are now)’

-

The signs next to the roads informed that the hospital was near now. Changbin had never expected his road trip to end at such a place you only came when something went wrong. The hospital barely meant anything good. Now it didn’t either. 

It announced the end of the road. Felix would get out of the car, grab his stuff and see his family. Who knew how long he would stay there. 

‘Hyung?’ Felix spoke suddenly, after a long period of silence. ‘Can I call you later?’ 

Changbin nodded, but his brain worked overtime. He thought back of how he gave his number to the girl he met a week ago, after they had a good time together. She had promised she would call. 

She hadn't. And he didn’t have her number; he was left with only the hope that she would reach out for him.

‘Will you call?’ 

‘Yes, I will’ Felix replied. 

Changbin gestured to Felix to hand over his phone, and when he waited for the red light, he went into his contacts and saved his own number as contact. He smiled and gave the device back. ‘Don’t forget’. 

Before they knew it, the car drove to the parking lot from the hospital. The tension was high, so high. Empty parking lots always managed to give people the creeps; the place was so altered. Changbin easily found a parking spot, he parked the car neatly. 

He looked at his passenger, his lip corner quirking upwards. He could only force a smile, because he had nothing to say. All useful and beautiful words had just left his brain like that. 

Felix looked over at him again. The yellow light of the street lights shining through the windshield was the only reason they could actually see each other in the dark of the night. 

‘Thank you’ he muttered. His face was restless, his lips were restless, it looked like he was trying to say more but had no words. His eyes went everywhere, taking in the details of Changbin’s face and his car once more. His fingers were fumbling with nothing; he was so nervous. ‘For everything. Thank you’. 

Changbin's smile widened, still not showing teeth as he wasn’t happy at all. This felt like a moment of pure torture, and why did this simple goodbye do so much to him?

‘You don’t have to thank me’ he said while nodding slowly. ‘Are you gonna be alright?’ 

Now Felix nodded, took a deep breath. ‘Yeah. I hope my grandmother can come home again soon. Everything will be normal again’. 

‘Normal...’ Changbin mumbled to himself. The word ached in his heart. The last thing he wanted was for things to be normal. Nothing would be normal after these days, the experience that was ending here. 

He looked up at Felix, they looked at each other for a good three seconds, until the other spoke. ‘And you? Are you gonna go home?’ 

Changbin shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Probably’.  
I should , he thought. What would be the fun of traveling alone now? After this?

‘I hope to see you again someday. I know we don’t really know each other, but I will miss you’ Felix said softly, facing away.  
Changbin looked at him with a small, painful smile, until Felix turned his head and looked back at him. 

‘Come, go see your grandmother.’ he whispered. 

The blonde boy nodded, opened the door and stepped out, closing the door behind him. He walked to the trunk of the car, took out his backpack and bike. The trunk closed with a bang, Felix walked towards the entrance, looking over his shoulder and waved, mouthed a ‘goodbye’. He placed his bike in the rack, looked back at Changbin again but could barely see him in these lights. 

Changbin’s smile had faded, still he waved back. Ten seconds later he dropped his arms and head on the steer. He sighed deeply as he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song mentioned: never be - 5 seconds of summer   
> :)


	6. Chapter 6

And suddenly he was in a whole different world. As soon as Felix was inside, he ran. He had no idea where to, his dad told him on the phone he would be there. But he couldn’t find him at the entrance, not in the lobby.   
His anxiety shot up, his body was trembling. He needed more time to adjust to this new environment; the hospital. The boy had no idea what was waiting for him here. His grandmother, his father. But would she be awake and alive? And what would his father do to him?

‘Felix’ he suddenly heard. That loud, familiar voice, yet so estranged. ‘Hurry, you’re late!’. 

Felix looked around, and found the person that was calling him. His own dad, with that same old mad look.   
He forced a little smile. ‘I’m sorry, I tried my best to come quickly.’ he uttered, walking after his father who already walked away through the long white-painted unpleasant halls.

‘Save me your apologies. It’s always the same with people like you’. 

He was exhausted, he fought to keep his eyes open and his mind awake. His leg hurted with every step, as he tried to keep up with the fast pace that his dad was setting. 

The elevator they stepped in gave him the creeps. His father looked down on him.  
‘You caused all this!’ he snapped, raising his voice. ‘You and your stupid trips, if you were at home this wouldn’t have happened. I bet you did all those fucking nasty things when you were gone, huh?’

Felix shut his eyes tight, his head fell down. He knew what would happen, he expected a strong slap on his cheek. His body was still trembling, desperately waiting for the elevator doors to give him an escape.

And the doors did open, and Felix didn’t know how fast he could possibly get away. His slim body made its way out of the elevator, taking a brief breath, having no time to actually rest his mind and body for a moment. 

His father grunted, caught up and continued his brisk walk. Felix gritted his teeth as his leg really hurted, groaning so quietly that his father couldn’t hear him and call him names. 

Felix’ eyes fell on the room number where his dad stopped. 240. The hotel room. Changbin. 

But, he didn’t have time to let his thoughts wander, as a nurse let him and his father in the room. 

The next moments he spent in that room were totally killing Felix. He realised he was on the verge of losing it all, all that loved and appreciated him. He saw his grandmother and wished he was home with her, drinking tea, painting, gardening, all the things they usually did. 

The nurse informed that his grandmother was alive and well, but her health wasn’t stable. It would be better to keep her in the hospital, the safe space, surrounded with care and attention. 

Felix pleaded, ‘Please, I will take very good care of her if she goes home..!’ 

His father snarled ‘You can’t even take care of yourself, you piece of sh-’  
The nurse interrupted him nonchalantly, like he wasn’t present at all, she looked at Felix. ‘That isn’t a good idea. Anything can happen, and you’re in no power to control that. I’m sorry. We have to keep her here’. 

Felix knew what this meant. He lived alone now, at least for a while. Or longer? And how long?  
His eyes wandered over the floor, trying to get hold on the million thoughts that flew around in his head. He wanted to speak, but only a desperate groan, turning into a sigh came out. 

He stood up, faltered out of the room. He dropped down on a seat in the hallway, his hands in his hair. The happenings of that hour had crushed his heart in a thousand shards, he felt it physically.

The boy could no longer control his emotions and the tears streamed down. His shoulders were shaking, his whole body was aching in exhaustion. 

‘Felix!’.   
It was his father. 

‘Stop weeping like a pathetic girl, you better think of how you’re gonna make it all up again.’

Now Felix didn’t take all the insults, he stood up again, clenching his teeth and walked back into the room where his grandmother was brought asleep. He tried to close the door but there was a foot in between the door and the frame. ‘Please, dad, leave me alone!’ he cried. 

‘You’re being irresponsible, grow up!’ his father snapped. 

‘Dad, just PLEASE!’ Felix shouted, his voice cracked. He pushing against the door and it fell into place after his father was forced to take a step back. 

The nurse looked at Felix in complete astonishment, but he ignored her and sat down next to the bed. His grandmother was still deep asleep. Felix rested his head on the sheets, holding onto her hand. His father didn’t come in anymore. 

Later he took a bus home. In the darkest of the night he could barely recognise the interior, the place that he had left for a few weeks. 

Without changing his clothes, without unpacking his bags, he fell on his bed. Within a few minutes he was out. 

No, things wouldn’t get back to normal. Everything had already changed. 

-

The rain had woken Changbin up. He had slept in his car for the rest of the night, away from the hospital, those last few hours before the sun would rise. Alone. 

Not even 24 hours had passed, and his whole idea on being alone changed. If he tried to continue the roadtrip on his own, he would most probably enjoy it. He had spent weeks alone, it was so good. It never got old, he enjoyed the freedom every single time. 

24 hours ago he would have been totally fine with waking up in his car, stretching out and getting in his front seat, without knowing anything that was waiting for him that day. He would drive to where the road took him. 

But that morning he woke up, he stretched out and he wanted to stay. 

And he closed his eyes again, and thought he had dreamt everything. The whole one-day adventure from yesterday felt so unreal. The boy felt so unreal, with his freckles and dark eyes, his deep voice, his slim and fragile body that he had hugged, the hand he had held. It was like a dream that he could lose hold of every moment. A fragile memory; yet so tangible, he could still feel it. The combination of both feelings had him confused, he felt exhausted. 

He spent the next few moments laying in his ‘bed’, just thinking. 

I should have given him a last hug. That thought was rehearsing on his mind. I should have asked for his number too. 

A part of him wanted to forget everything and call it a good day that just ended. A coincidence, just one day. He could move on and treat it as a good memory that would eventually fade until it was forgotten. 

The other part of him was ready to hold on, as long as possible. Ready to live with the continuous hope that the boy with the bike would call him.

Changbin decided to not make a choice now. He got out of the car, took a good deep breath of fresh air, and then took place on the driver’s seat. The music went on.

He reached for the map, spread it out. With a marker he placed a dot at the location where he was.   
The south-east of the country, so close to the wide ocean. However, now he didn’t long for peace and calm waves. 

Instead, he drove to the highway. To the city. Something that would distract him from the repeating word in his head: Felix, Felix, Felix..

Three days had passed.   
He was wandering. He knew nowhere to go. For a day he even neglected his car, spent the day walking around in the city, doing things tourists do. 

Now he was sitting in a lunchroom, waiting for his food to be served.

His phone rang, it buzzed in his pocket. Unknown number. 

‘Seo Changbin’ he answered.

A short silence was followed by a gentle voice that confirmed what he already presumed.

‘I promised you I would call, didn’t I?’


	7. Chapter 7

‘I promised you I would call, didn’t I?’ 

‘Yes, you did’ Changbin mumbled, his face automatically breaking into a smile halfway through his words. He bit his lip to control himself; he suddenly grew so nervous. 

He heard a brief chuckle on the other side of the line, Felix didn’t say anything. Would he be nervous too? Changbin thought. I should say something before it gets awkward..

‘I was scared you wouldn’t..’ he spoke then. He held his breath after the words left his mouth, feeling so vulnerable.  
‘Of course I would’ Felix said. ‘I felt so bad for having to leave so suddenly…  
‘It’s not your fault, Felix’ Changbin reassured him. ‘How is your grandmother?’ 

‘Uhmm, well, yeah she’s still in the hospital. The doctors take good care of her but she can’t go home yet. They’re talking about a nursing home’. 

‘Oh, really.. That must be difficult for you’. Changbin pouted slightly, as he thought about the situation. It meant Felix lived alone now, right? Or maybe with his father who he had mentioned before. 

‘Yeah, it is. But I’ll believe it will be okay, somehow’. 

Changbin nodded although the other couldn’t see him. And just then, his lunch was delivered, he smiled at the waitress politely. 

It fell quiet; it felt rather uncomfortable, talking to Felix on the phone. What Changbin missed were those dark brown eyes and that smile. If he saw those it wasn’t awkward at all. He tried his best to remember those features, imagined Felix smiling now. 

The silence was broken.  
‘Hyung..?’ Felix spoke. 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘Is there any chance you’re still in town?’ 

Changbin’s eyes fluttered in surprise, he felt his heart rate went up, his palms sweating. 

‘Uhm.. yeah I’m not too far away. A few miles?’ 

‘Then..can I meet you?’ 

Now Changbin swore his heart skipped a beat. ‘Yes!’ he chuckled quietly. ‘Should I go there, or..?’

‘No, I’m coming to you. I’ll take public transportation. You’ve done so much for me already. But please give me your location’. Felix spoke rapidly, like in a hurry. 

‘Okay’ Changbin said and gave the information of the place where he was, and while on the phone he searched online for the bus lines. It surprised him how easily it was to find a way to make it work. He asked himself if it was possible for someone to be in a hurry and to be calm at the same time, because if he had to describe the way Felix was talking to him, then that was the description he would give. 

And he felt the same way. He felt like there was not even a second he could waste, yet he felt at peace. Maybe that’s what Felix just did to him. So many emotions he couldn’t give a name or a place. 

But what he knew for sure that was his appetite was completely gone; he was way too nervous to eat. He didn’t know what to do with the lunch he had ordered. Luckily he was able to get a doggy bag before he made his way outside. 

-

The sun had not shone so much for days, Changbin had to squeeze his eyes into splits to protect himself from getting blinded. The sky had a cheerful shade of blue, it contrasted well with the fresh green leaves of the trees. It was spring on its best.

Under the bus shelter he could sit without the sun in his eyes. He was early, the bus would arrive within around 10 minutes. It was nerve wracking, really. He kept glancing in the distance, even though he knew it was impossible the bus would come already. 

Man, he thought to himself, get a hold on yourself. It's just Felix. Just a friend. Right?

But then the bus arrived. Changbin's heart dropped, still he stood up from the iron shelter seat. 

The sound of a rumbling engine came closer, the typical sound of doors opening made Changbin's eyes wander over the windows of the bus.

He didn't have to wait any longer. Felix was the first one to walk out of the bus. Their eyes met.

Felix smiled bright, he stepped towards the other boy.

'Hey!' Changbin said, his lips forming a smile automatically. 

'Nice beanie, Binnie' the other chuckled, cocking a wink to him. And yes, Changbin was wearing a blue beanie on his head that gave a nice contrast with his dark brown hair. 

'Thanks'. Changbin felt the heat rise in his cheeks, looking at the boy in front of him. His eyes traveled over his face rapidly, taking in all the features once more. 

'You didn't go home yet?' Felix said but it was more of a statement rather than a question.

'Yeah, I'm still here' Changbin shrugged with a little smirk. 'I just.. didn't feel like going home yet.'

'Aah, I understand. Do you live far away?'

Changbin nodded. 'I traveled for 4 to 5 days to get here'. And as he said that, he felt a real wave of disappointment. He realised that he was so far from home; and that was good. But if Felix lived here, then they could never keep in touch once Changbin decided to go home. 

Felix was quiet for a good amount of seconds too. He slowly nodded. 'Wow..'

Changbin tilted his head a little, his lips forming a gloomy smile. The thought of going home made him feel downhearted, joyless. He found more comfort in those unacquainted streets, and with this person than he found in his own bedroom and hometown. 

'Then… before you go, we should just have a good day first. Okay?'  
Felix suggested, and Changbin saw his eyes twinkle.

'Excellent idea' he smiled. 'Where should we go?'

-

The two strolled through the city at first, but ended up hours later at the place that Changbin had purposely ignored three days ago. 

The southern coast. 

But now the sound of the waves appealed to him, and the seagulls screaming loud above them gave him the real good sea-vibes. 

It was surprisingly sereen on the south coast, as it was a regular weekday and the majority of people were inside in their office or classroom. The town located there was small, lively. 

The travellers seated down in a terrace that looked over the coast. Changbin had travelled throughout the world, had seen many wonderful places, but he couldn't remember he had experienced anything like this. 

As far as you could watch straight ahead, there was an endless sea. Rocky walls breaking the water, with some small beaches here and there. A lot of greenery everywhere. As if nature here had never been touched by the hands of man. Of course it was, otherwise Changbin and Felix couldn't sit there with a drink on the terrace, so close to the ocean. 

'I'm surprised I've never been here before' Felix chuckled in disbelief, shaking his head. He took a sip of his drink, looking at the view.

'For everything there's a first time' Changbin responded, his voice had a playful tone. 

Felix hummed. 'I don't think it would have been so beautiful back then as it is now'. 

Changbin just smiled in response, then taking off his jacket as the high sun was really giving off its effect. It was warm. But suddenly, there was the second phone call of the day. Changbin reached in his pocket, took his buzzing phone in his hand. Unknown number. Felix looked almost as surprised as Changbin, but he whispered ‘Take it. It might be important’.

And so Changbin did. ‘Seo Changbin’. Only two seconds later his face lighted up. ‘Oh my gosh, hey!’ he smiled. He leaned his elbow on the table, his phone against his ear as he talked. ‘I was scared you wouldn’t call. It’s so good to hear from you’. 

Now it was Felix’ expression that changed. His face turned to the sea again, looking to nothing in particular, patiently waiting for the phone call was over. 

Changbin’s smile had not faded. He listened to the joyful voice that was explaining to him why she had not called earlier.  
‘It’s fine, don’t worry’ he answered. ‘You’re not calling on the most suitable time, but I’m really happy to hear from you’. 

It went on for minutes. He felt guilty for ruining the time with Felix by this, but on the other side; he really was waiting for this call. This was the girl he had met on his trip, the girl he had a good connection with. His eyes met Felix’s eyes. And he could not read them. The blonde boy stood up. He smiled weakly before leaving Changbin there on the phone. 

First the other thought he would maybe go look for the toilets, but then realised he had been there not even 15 minutes ago. It couldn’t be.  
And, he had seen the betrayed look in Felix’ eyes. 

He shove his chair back, sat up straight, his hand tapping on his own knee restlessly. ‘Hey, uhm can I call you back later? There’s something important I gotta do.. Yeah? Okay thank you. I’ll talk to you later’. With that, he hastily hung up, stood up and looked for Felix. He saw him almost running down the steps that went down to the real coast. 

‘Felix, where are you going?!’ he shouted, sprinted after his friend. 

‘Sorry, I just didn’t want to overhear your conversation’ the other said, not looking back and continuing his brisk.  
‘No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- I told her I’m gonna call later..’ 

Now Felix stood still, his head drooping down, sighing. Chsangbin caught up and stood in front of him. ‘Hey…’ he said, trying to look the other in his eyes. ‘Are you upset?’ 

Felix didn’t answer, still. But he raised his head and looked at Changbin. And he just stared, as Changbin stared back, trying to look deep into his soul, trying to find answers. 

Then Felix spoke. ‘I just wished…’ he uttered but fell silent. ‘Shit..’ 

‘Lix, please explain’ Changbin tried, while crossing his arms. Not in an intimidating way, but only to show that he was ready to hear everything the other had to tell. 

But what he heard was the last thing he had expected.

‘I’m gay, Changbin’ Felix exclaimed with a loud and clear voice, his eyes piercing its way through the other. ‘And how could I not fall for you?’ He bit his lip, but then continued. ‘I just panicked when I realised that the chance you like me back is just way too small. The chance that you even like boys is so small’. 

The other boy his face froze, only his arms untangled and fell next to his sides. 

‘I know it’s ridiculous. You’ll soon go home, I don’t know how many hundreds of miles away and this trip will just be over. I don’t want you to go….. hyung’. 

Changbin thought he was about to lose his mind. Those were e words he had unconsciously ho. ped to hear. But now that Felix actually told him this, it felt like he was living a completely different life than two minutes ago. 

‘I… I don’t think I want to go home anymore. I like you, Felix. Maybe it’s too early to say this, but I just can’t stop this feeling’. His eyes twitched, nervously looking at this boy in front of him. ‘I had never put this label on myself, but I think.. I actually fall for boys too. You made me’.

Felix broke into a smile, as his head fell down. ‘Hyung..’ he uttered, then looked up again and pulled the other straight into his arms. Changbin willingly gave himself, resting his head on Felix’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around his torso, and one of his hands stroking the back of the blonde hair. 

‘I want to stay with you..’ he whispered, and his whole presence showed that. He immediately missed the hug when Felix pulled back, although their heads remained with a small distance. 

‘Can I kiss you?’ Felix asked quietly, his gaze lingering on Changbin’s lips. 

‘I have never kissed anyone before..’ the other muttered, his heart was pounding. He was bursting with excitement, he wanted nothing more than to be kissed by Felix. ‘But yes. Please’. 

Felix gently placed his hand in Changbin’s neck, his small thumb on his jaw.  
‘For everything a first time’ he smiled, before finally connecting their lips together. 

Changbin thought he had now reached the ultimate level of happiness as Felix’s soft lips drew over his; so carefully, so brief. His hand moved to Felix’s shoulder, but their lips were now only centimeters apart again. His eyes fluttered open, glancing down at the soft tinted pair of lips. He hesitated, but pulled in for another kiss. He loved the feel and taste, and frankly he couldn't get enough.

His first kiss, but it went so natural. In the back of his head he was worried if he was doing it right, but decided to ignore it. This was his moment. Their moment. 

Felix' thumb was still gently stroking his jaw, that movement stopped when he slowly pulled back. Changbin blushed, he drew his hand back. 'I could get used to that'.

'Me too' Felix grinned. 'You're amazing'.

'You are' Changbin protested, but suddenly received a kiss on his cheek and he smiled. 

It felt like he was at the end of the world, so far away from home. Yet, things never ended here. Things had only started.


	8. Chapter 8

The end of the afternoon. The tension from the sudden confessions had turned into a calm feeling. Truth was out, now the two were thinking about what that meant for the future. 

Neither of them felt the need to get back to the terrace; the ocean looked so stunning from up close. The sky was still bright blue, the sunlight drew volatile patterns on the waves, gently undulating. 

Changbin had settled down on the sand, looking at the scenery while Felix was taking pictures of it, until he sat down next to the other. He looked at Changbin for a few seconds before talking. 

‘Hyung’ he started, and hesitated. ‘What now?’ 

Changbin now looked over at Felix, his expression remained calm, but deep inside his heart was racing. He knew there were decisions to be made. For him, for Felix. He was glad Felix brought it up, because he wouldn’t think he would have the courage to ask the question; what now?

‘You mean.. us?’ 

Felix nodded, his hands fell down to the sides, drawing quick and sloppy patterns in the warm sand. 

Changbin filled his lungs with air, then released with a sigh. He couldn’t get his eyes off Felix; that beautiful boy that was next to him. Oh, how good it felt to be free from the endless repeating insecurities of being in love. He knew the feeling was mutual, his feelings were answered with a yes. 

Just when he started to smile, he remembered the question that was asked him, and it snatched him back to reality. And in reality, things weren’t as easy as just kissing Felix right now, without a worry, and for the rest of the day. Life was way too intricate and tricky, and there were choices to be made. 

‘I don’t want to go home’ he spoke quietly. ‘But it’s inevitable’. 

‘I know’ Felix whispered, then glanced over at Changbin. He knocked off the sand on his hand and laid it on Changbin’s knee, and his hand was held by the other.

‘You could stay at my house, for as long before you’re going home. My grandmother isn’t there, but I’m sure she would be okay with it’. 

Changbin blinked, thinking about the proposal. He felt uneasy. He wanted nothing more than to be with Felix, but staying at his place was something that didn’t feel like a good idea. 

‘I- I don’t know’ he uttered. ‘I don’t wanna take it so fast. I really appreciate it, but I don’t know if I can do that’. He squeezed Felix’ hand just a little, so the other fixed his eyes on him again after they drifted off.

‘No, I understand. You’re right’ Felix answered whilst nodding. He pulled up his knees, rested his arms on them, let his head down on his arms. 

It was an impossible situation. How could it happen, two boys that lived miles and miles apart fell in love, not being able to be together? Only if very drastic interventions would occur. 

‘I could move’ Changbin suddenly said, almost nonchalantly, only quickly glancing at Felix before letting his eyes wander over the endless ocean again. 

‘Hyung,’ Felix spoke quickly. ‘That’s… that’s such a big intervention.. You gotta at least think about that well’. 

‘I will, I actually will. Yes, it’s a big deal, but I’m willing to take new turns in life. It all has already completely changed in those few days with you, I don’t see why I should stay in my hometown when I could start over.’

‘Yeah, but.. I don’t want you to regret it later, suppose that things don’t work out.’ 

‘Lix..’ Changbin said, now shifting his weight and sitting closer to Felix, looking at him. ‘I’ve never had trouble with moving and changing homes. If things don’t work out, I’ll just… Nevermind, I don’t wanna think about that. I want you, and if it’s up to me to decide; I want that forever’. 

Felix’ worried expression made place for a warm smile, before bringing his hand to Changbin’s neck to pull him in for a kiss. And all the feelings of gratefulness, joy and luck, he inverted them in that kiss. Shy and brief, but enough for Changbin to send shivers down his spine.

When he pulled back, he saw Felix’ eyes searching for his.   
‘Then, please..’ he pleaded. ‘Please stay with me. If not in my house, then just close’. 

Changbin smiled lovingly. ‘I will’ he whispered. ‘I will stay here for a while to think before I make a decision’. 

-

The lights were switched on, Changin looked around. The place was quite small, and had plain white walls, decorated with artwork and photos. Somehow it had a typical old-woman feel, with a few pieces of dated furniture. But it felt lively too, as a young gentleman was the owner of the place too. It was a strange combination, but so pretty and homey. 

Felix smiled faintly. ‘Welcome to my home’ he said.   
Changbin smiled back, nodded. He found it interesting to see where and how Felix lived, although he was on the road frequently. He liked that the house fitted Felix; it was humble. 

Changbin grinned. ‘Show me your room.'

And so did Felix; up the stairs, opening the first door. 

The room was compact, with only one small window that let in the light that came with twilight. There was only a minimal amount of furniture. A single, tidy bed, dresser and a desk. Yet, there was a lot of stuff scattered around the room. Bags, books, figures, posters, a camera, and a lot of pictures on the wall. 

Felix switched on the light, and suddenly the room seemed brighter, less gloomy and bare.   
‘Nice room’ Changbin said.   
‘Thanks. You can sleep here for the night, if you want.’ Felix answered, with a shy smile. 

Changbins eyebrows went up a little. ‘Oh, uh.. Thanks, but it’s okay. You can just sleep in your own bed. I’m fine with the couch’. 

‘Are you sure?’ Felix asked, and saw that Changbin nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll prepare the couch for you.’

-

The night went by, slowly but tranquil. Changbin slept, as agreed, on the couch. He decided it was time to get up when the clock ticked 9 am. 

To his surprise and to his liking, Felix woke up early too and stumbled in the room with tired eyes, rubbing them. ‘Good morning'’ he spoke after seeing his friend awake, his voice still drowsy and deep. 

‘Morning’ Changbin smiled, sat up straight. His face contorted slightly after feeling an uncomfortable ache in his shoulder and back.   
Felix walked up to him. ‘Did you sleep well?’ 

‘Yeah, I did. My shoulder just hurts a bit now. But I think I have laid in an uncomfortable position’. Changbin chuckled, put his hand on his own shoulder and gave it a squeeze, trying to soothe the pain. 

‘Lemme do it’ Felix mumbled.   
The combination of the tired, recently awoken eyes with a soft smile, and the unstyled hair falling over his forehead, made Changbins heart tumble in five hundred directions. He looked at Felix, who laid his hands on his shoulders, and was waiting for Changbin to turn around. 

So he did, and closed his eyes when he felt small warm hands work their way on his sore muscles. An unintended moan slipped out when Felix hit the most painful part. His cheeks flushed red; he was embarrassed by the noise that he produced. But Felix didn’t stop and just chuckled briefly. 

Changbin felt the effect on his muscles; the pain ceased slowly. He assumed that Felix had definitely done this before. It felt like the hands were burning through his shirt, sending shivers down his spine. 

The movements stopped and Changbin turned around again, facing Felix with a smile. ‘Thank you, that was really nice’ he said.   
‘You’re welcome’ the blonde boy smiled back, putting his hand on Changbin’s cheek, caressing it lovingly. 

And suddenly, the peace was disturbed. A sound of keys in a lock were heard. 

Felix immediately let go of Changbin’s soft face, his eyes shut tight, he clenched his teeth and muttered a ‘fuck’. 

He got up from the couch swiftly. ‘Please, hyung, stay quiet. Don’t talk to him. I’m sorry’. 

Those words again. What is he sorry for? Changbin thought, his eyes following Felix’ every move, saw how he got restless, anxious. Why is he always sorry?

His flow of thoughts were disturbed as the door swayed open. Before he had realised, Changbin had made eye contact with the man that just came in. He felt his heart rate accelerate, yet he couldn’t say why. It was not like this man was necessarily intimidating. But he remembered Felix’ words. Don’t talk to him. 

Was this Felix’ father?

The man stood still, his expression was one of confusion, taking in the situation.  
‘Who is that?’ he then spoke, his eyes burning on Changbin. 

‘A.. a friend’ Felix uttered, quickly stole a sorrowful glance to Changbin.

The boy on the couch felt rather uneasy; he knew the conversation was about him, and presumably not in a good way. His eyes were glued to Felix, searching for any kind reassurance, but the blonde boy seemed just as timid as himself. 

‘A friend, of course’ the man scoffed. ‘You don’t have friends, you just fuck with people and call them ‘sweet’, ugly names! You’re a failure, and you keep doing this even though I told you not to!’ 

Changbin looked down. His mind was racing, he couldn’t get hold on any thought. Still, a feeling of betrayal was predominant. He knew to not trust people's words immediately, especially if you don’t know the people’s heart. 

And he knew Felix. And that’s why his heart ached after hearing the words that were echoing in the small space of the living room. Would there be some kind of truth in the words? Would it be that Felix lied to him about what he felt? That he was playing with him?

No matter how much he tried to shake the thoughts off, and no matter how much he didn’t believe it; there was now doubt growing in his heart. Because what if? And why would those words be spoken, if they were completely false, based on utter lies?

Changbin kept his mouth shut, just as Felix told him to, but his eyes glanced around the room, from Felix to the man; and made eye contact with the wrong one. 

‘You, get out of my house!’ 

Felix started protesting, his voice was shaky. ‘Dad, no, he’s not gonna leave. And this isn’t your house!’ 

So this actually was Felix’ father… Changbin realised, as he froze, he had literally no idea what to do. To listen to his friend, or to his father who was getting on his nerves, made him feel anxious. 

‘GET OUT!’ this man called him out again, loud and aggressive. 

Changbin had no choice but to get up. He hated how obedient he was under the force of compulsory tone. He hated how Felix shot him a look that he couldn’t read. 

‘Why are you even here?’ Felix uttered then, speaking to his father. 

‘To move the furniture to the nursing home’ his father snarled. ‘And don’t even get the fucking idea in your head to let all your disgusting flings move in here when I’m gone. Now get out the way, both of you!’

Changbin saw how Felix froze, but also how he re-handled himself, clenched his jaw and raised his head. 

‘You can’t do this!’ Felix shouted back. ‘You’re taking everything away from me! This is MY house too. And you’re not taking away the ones I love. He stays here’. 

Changbin saw an index finger being pointed to him.   
Why? he thought. Is he lying again?  
He was trembling, he wanted nothing more than to just walk out and get some fresh air; this atmosphere was suffocating him. With every word the walls seemed to come closer. 

And when Felix’ father proceeded to scold Felix and even got it in his head to give the blonde boy a ruthless slap, Changbin indeed stepped forward, swiftly but harshly pulling Felix away, who hissed in pain. He stood right in front of the abuser. 

‘You don’t deserve to be a father. This is not how you treat anyone’ he spoke, looking straight into the other’s mad eyes. ‘Get your shit and just leave’. 

‘Hyung-’ Felix uttered, desperately wanting Changbin to stop talking. ‘Hyung, stop.’

‘No, Felix, it’s time to stand up for yourself’ Changbin whispered back, but loud enough for the man to hear as well.

Speaking about Felix’ father; he stepped closer to Changbin who had his arm wrapped around his son. 

‘Don’t pretend like you know anything. That boy is disgusting in every way. Get out of this fucking house and don’t show your filthy face here ever again!’ 

Now Felix straightened himself, got away from Changbin’s hold. He looked straight into his father’s eyes, even though he was trembling. 

‘I don’t want to see YOU ever again. Just.. just die! Everything is way better without you!’

Changbin felt the words deep in his soul; and they weren’t even directed to him. He had enough of the overwhelming tension and emotions, he seized Felix’ hand and dragged him away, through the door, into the world outside the house.


	9. Chapter 9

Even before they reached the end of the street, Changbin heard the other boy’s sobs. He looked over his shoulder; Felix was obediently following him, leaded by the hand. Crying.  
Changbin found a vacant bench somewhere, a few streets away from the house they came from, dropped down and so did Felix who didn’t even try to hold his cries back anymore. Tears streamed down his face, unstoppable. His shoulders were shaking. 

Changbin automatically wanted to pull him closer. But the other restrained, didn’t want to show his crying face and remained in the same position, with his face in his hands.

‘Lix.. sshh’. A warm hand stroked Felix’ back, a body hugging him from the side. And when the crying boy slowly calmed down, he mumbled ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry..’ 

It remained quiet, for as long as Felix was sobbing. Changbin was by his side, holding him all that time, but was way too blindsided to say something. He decided it was fine too, to say nothing. 

And in that hour they sat on the bench, Felix explained it all. He told about his homophobic father who had always abused him. How he always had heard that everything was his fault. And that he was so scared to argue back, because he never got listened to, he was only rewarded with violence. Felix believed to not repay evil with evil; he rather just stay quiet and let it come over him, even the physical abuse. Always. 

He explained that he lived with his grandmother for that reason; she accepted him and protected him. 

And now his grandmother was moved to a nursing home. He said he was scared, especially to her. He already lost a part of her, as she wasn’t with him daily. He lived alone now. 

‘And your father? Will he leave you alone, you think?’ Changbin asked. 

‘I don’t think he will come back after he moved all my grandmother’s stuff. He has his own house, far away’ he mumbled, then for the first time he dared to look up at Changbin. 

‘Please, stay with me, only if it’s just for a few days... I understand if you don’t wanna, after this. But.. I don’t want you to go..’ 

Changbin took a deep breath, staring back at the big eyes that were pleading.  
‘Felix.. I gotta know.. What your father said about you, the ‘fucking around with people and playing with them’, that is false… Right?’ 

‘Yes’ Felix mumbled, sighing deeply. ‘My father thinks I don’t love people. He finds it disgusting that I fall for boys, he never accepts me and my… lovers. Not like I have or had many, really. He just thinks that. I don’t know why he’s against it, he just does for some reason.’ He spoke hurriedly, like he had only a very short time to tell everything he wanted. ‘I promise, I’m very serious about this, about you, hyung, I was so, so scared it would all be ruined, that you would believe my father and that you wouldn’t trust me anymore-’

His rambling was broken off when a hand grabbed his cheek; quickly but gentle. And before he knew, he was kissed. 

Changbin just couldn’t help it. He had been listening and took in all words. Still he couldn’t fight the need to stop the endless stream of apologies and insecurities that came straight from Felix’ heart; he hated the way he was so hurt.  
The only thing that felt right was to just show Felix that it was okay, that he loved him. Not tell, show. And he did.

Their lips drew against each other, tender, so sweet. The world had stopped spinning, and if there still was a world around them now, then it was a complete world.  
Changbin was still holding Felix’s cheek, as he initiated this. But his boldness made place for shyness. He slowed down, he hesitated, giving Felix the chance to take over the lead. Changbin felt his body weaken as Felix’ lips devoured him; it was burning. His fingers sunk deep in the other’s skin, while exploring the lips of his lover. 

It sounded strange, but not bad at all. No, he loved how it sounded. His lover. Felix. 

He pulled away when the feeling of melting away got stronger, his cheeks were now flushed red. Although he felt super nervous, he forced himself to look at the boy next to him, who was wearing a big grin on his face. 

‘Did you just shut me up with a kiss?’ 

‘I might..’ Changbin chuckled. ‘It worked, I think.’ 

‘If your plan was to make me feel better, then it indeed worked. Thanks, hyung.’ Felix smiled. He was just about to place another kiss on the other’s lips, when a white pickup truck was seen in the street. 

‘That’s my dad. He’s leaving’ Felix said, gesturing to the car that came closer. Changbin glanced and looked back at Felix, expecting the younger to be worried or scared. 

But he wasn’t. Felix had a satisfied smirk on his lips. ‘Just kiss me back, okay?’  
Changbin nodded before actually understanding why, and then he was kissed - just like Felix had announced -, two hands delicately on the sides of his head, pulling him closer. The sound of wheels on the road came closer and Changbin was slightly startled by loud honking of the car that drove by. 

Yet he only felt Felix smile into the kiss, then broke apart slowly but surely.  
‘You’re right. I have to stand up for myself’ the other whispered, ‘I won’t let my father tell who I kiss and who not.’ 

Changbin smiled from ear to ear. He was so proud of Felix. And with every look and every touch, he fell in love a little more. And that was exactly the reason for his accelerated heartbeat, his weak limbs. It was the reason why he was ready to turn all tables now, go all new places and find a new way. Of course, it was still early in their time together, and yes there were doubts, and yes he knew only a little about Felix yet. But what he felt was such a frantic will to live. 

Really, he had never felt so excited, despite how scared he was. He was ready to pack his bags and leave his hometown, to move different places and explore his sexuality, his lover, his own person, everything. Just like he always wanted to explore the world. And he still wanted that. 

Just not on his own. 

-

And so it went. Changbin stayed in the town for a week exactly. And then it was time to go home.

His blue Range Rover was ready; full tank, full of supplies for the long, long road. He took one more look at the surroundings from the south, then got in his car.  
He looked to his right and there was Felix, on the passenger seat. ‘I’m ready’ he said. 

Changbin smiled and started driving, out of the street, out of the town. To the highway. It was a Friday morning, the weather was cloudy, on the verge of raining. 

Yes, Changbin was going home, without Felix. But it happened that Felix’ grandmother would go to the nursery home today, and her grandson would go with her for support. He had to be dropped at the hospital. 

‘Hyung’ Felix said, looking at the driver. ‘Do you wanna come in with me, meet my grandmother?’ 

The other looked up, his eyes went wide. ‘Really? Uh.. yeah, sure’ he mumbled, nodding. 

‘Don’t worry, she’s super sweet. Old, and a little forgetful, but still the best’ Felix told him. ‘If anyone has always been there for me, it’s her. She accepts my sexuality, she’s gonna be so excited to meet you.’ 

Changbin chuckled, he felt himself growing nervous, in a good way. He couldn’t wait to meet the person that meant the most to Felix. 

And only ten minutes later they drove onto the parking site of the hospital. Again. But now it was in the daytime, with a lot more vehicles parked, way more people walking around. 

Changbin clearly remembered the last time they stood here, in the pitch dark in the dead of the night. The yellow-ish light from the lampposts, the silence. And the tears shimmering in Felix’ eyes after the terrible news, and then the goodbye. 

Now he looked over and saw a smile. A very comforting grin.  
The blue car was parked, the rumbling engine fell silent.  
The blonde haired boy stepped out. ‘Come’ he said. 

Only ten minutes later he walked after Felix into room 240. His heart was racing, palms sweating. He thought this was like ‘meeting the parents’, that phenomenon that everyone feared. Except for that he already met Felix’ father who obviously didn’t like him at all. Funny how meeting his grandmother made him ten times more nervous; this actually meant alot to Felix. 

Changbin had already missed the first 30 seconds of happenings after entering the room, because his mind worked overtime. He snapped back to the here and now when he was called out. 

‘Grandma, I brought someone. I want you to meet Changbin’ Felix said with a fond smile. ‘He’s my…’  
The two boys shared a hurried look, in which Felix was desperately searching for some kind of telepathy; he wanted to know how to introduce the other. Both of them now regretted that neither of them had officially asked the other to date them. It would have been way easier with introductions.

However, Changin gave him a little nod, a soft smile, and then Felix continued his sentence. ‘..soon to be boyfriend. Hopefully’.  
Changbin felt the heat rise to his cheeks, he now fully smiled, stepping forward to greet Felix’ grandmother. 

And she? It was needless to say that she was very pleased. She greeted the shy young man friendly, with a genuine smile.  
‘Nice to meet you, Changbin.' she said. ‘Such a nice surprise! Take a seat.’ 

She leaned to Felix a little as she sat down as well, purposely mumbling loud enough for Changbin to hear as well; ‘Such an attractive guy again, I’m jealous!’.  
All three of them now chuckled. Changbin was flattered, couldn’t say anything, and Felix felt proud, yet shy. 

A nurse came in to talk to Felix’ grandmother quickly, to inform her about something.  
Changbin was nervous, it got only worse with the second, his hands were restlessly fumbling together. Gladly, Felix’ hand found his, held it, and rested on his knee. 

The nurse left the room, and all attention was on the two boys again.  
‘Tell me about how you two met’ the elderly woman said, being sincerely interested. So the two looked at each other, asking with their eyes who would start. 

It was Felix who took the word. ‘Well, it’s a kinda funny story. I got into a minor accident on my trip, and I wanted to hitch a ride. Guess who picked me up’ he chuckled. ‘He was willing to drive me to the city, to repair my bike, but in the end I just wanted to go home. Changbin was on a road trip as well, he insisted on driving me home. And then I got that call that you were sick.’ When Felix talked, Changbin’s hand moved along slightly with the gestures the other made to emphasize the words. 

Grandmother chortled. ‘Really? Interesting.’

The two nodded, Felix continued telling the story about them breaking apart but reuniting, all other things that happened. ‘Today he will go home.’ he finished.

Changbin nodded again, this time with a gloomy smile. ‘Yes, I live way too far away to bridge the distance between us. But I’ll most probably move soon, if it all works out.’ 

Now grandmothers face lighted up, in joy as well as disbelief. But as she looked at her grandson and his ‘soon to be boyfriend’, she only supported this idea. ‘That seems wonderful, Changbin. I really hope it works out. You two look lovely together, really.’ 

Changbin’s nerves were washed away. Felix was right; she really supported them. And now he totally understood why Felix loved her so much. He felt safe, cherished. This was the first time he was (almost) dating someone, and it even was a boy. He had no idea how his own family and friends would react to that, perhaps he would get a shit ton of disrespect and hate too. It was an unsettling thought, which is why he felt even nicer being in this room with people that gave him nothing but support and love. 

It was time to go. Felix’ grandmother had to go to her new home. Changbin had to go to his old home. It was unavoidable. 

After he shared goodbyes with the elderly woman, it was now Felix’ turn.  
The two were outside, in front of the blue Range Rover. In front of each other. Felix had tears in his eyes. 

‘Again this damned parking lot’ he spoke, couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony; two goodbyes at the same place. Only a few weeks apart.  
‘I know right?’ Changbin mumbled, while smiling at Felix. He had to squeeze his eyes to splits because the sun was shining sharply, making Felix look like he was glowing. His blonde hair shone in the light, a golden edge was painted over him. Like he was an angel. 

‘But I’m now 100 percent sure I will see you again. I promise’ Changbin said. ‘And we can call and text, whatever, send a letter. If need be, I’ll send a racing pigeon.’ 

Now Felix laughed, uttering an ‘awesome’ before stepping closer and hugging the other tight.  
Changbin closed his eyes when embracing Felix, for the last time. He didn’t know how long he would have to go without this thin, beautiful body, this beautiful person that he was in his arms. So he rested his face on Felix’ shoulder, enjoying the moment while it lasted. When suddenly the thought of their last goodbye popped up in his head, he hugged the boy even closer.  
To make it up for last time when he didn’t hug him. 

‘I’ll miss you’ he whispered quietly. 

‘Please come back soon. Or I’ll go to you, it doesn’t matter, just soon’ Felix mumbled. ‘Take care on the road.’ 

Changbin pulled away with repulsion, looked at the other. He was aware of the people around them, even though there weren't many. He decided to not care about it. He just wanted to feel Felix’ lips one more time. A kiss for the road. 

It was bittersweet; their lips finding each other, briefly aligning. Only a few seconds, before they broke away. 

‘Goodbye, hyung’ Felix whispered. Changbin smiled weakly. ‘Bye..’ he said, almost inaudible. He took place behind the steer, started the engine. He drove backwards out of the parking spot, allowing him to get another few seconds to look at Felix, who smiled at him softly. ‘Bye’ he mouthed one more time, before he drove onto the roads that would take him home. 

-

Within two days Changbin arrived home. He had taken the shortest way; straight home. Not taking the roads that appealed to him, like he did on the way to the south. His trip was over. 

His hometown felt familiar. Slowly he drove the car through the street where he lived. The trees next to the road drew shadows over the road, everything seemed peaceful. He was greeted by his neighbour that was walking the dog, who seemed pleased to see Changbin again after what almost had been a month. 

He took out the belongings from the car, took the elevator to the floor of his apartment. The door was opened by his best friend and flatmate, who hugged him after the traveller had dropped his bags on the floor. 

'You took your time, buddy' his friend grinned. 'Tell me all about it.'  
Changbin stretched out his tired body. 'Of course. But after I took a shower and a nap.’

He went to his room, that still looked the exact same as when he left it. His friend must've cleaned it occasionally, no piles of dust were to be seen. Even the plant next to the window was still alive.

The bed squeaked when he dropped down, but that was normal. He had almost missed that sound, no matter how many times he hated it before.  
His eyes went up to the white ceiling, he stared into nothingness. 

He was home. He was back. The world had changed, everything had changed. It seemed impossible to talk about his adventure, but he had promised to tell his friend. Would he talk about Felix? Their kisses? That he wanted to move out?  
And for a moment, the idea of calling Felix popped up. But his eyelids were so heavy, he couldn't find the energy to do anything other than resting.

-

Months went by. Changbin had picked up his career again. His vacation, his trip was really over, and he felt it by the amount of stress, and the heavy pressure on his shoulders.

Still he had never forgotten about Felix. They occasionally called, texted. Sadly, they hadn't been able to meet up, as Felix had a full schedule too. Even in summer holidays, they couldn’t make it. It was difficult; maintaining a long distance relationship, they knew that even before it started. It caused worries about their relationship, sometimes it had seemed like just an experience that was over now. A fling, that was forgotten after time passed. He almost started to believe he wasn’t in love. 

But he was. He still was. 

Which is why Changbin had been putting extra effort on finding a new place to live. For so long he searched, but everytime he was dogged by misfortune. It just didn’t work out. 

Which is why his heart was beating a thousand times per minute when his phone rang on an August afternoon. The real-estate agency called. 

And only a day later, the lucky boy called the boy he missed the most, who lived miles and miles away, in the southernmost point of the country. The one that waited desperately for him to come back. 

He called him. 

‘Felix’ he said. ‘I’m coming home.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i cant believe this is the end! already.
> 
> thank you if you made it this far, thank you for reading and supporting me! it truly means alot to me <3
> 
> i genuinely enjoyed writing this story! i hope to write more like this in the future. 
> 
> i'm also thinking about writing an epilogue for this, a brief look into their future. let me know if you're anticipating on that :)
> 
> again, thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> lots of love <3


	10. e p i l o g u e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all!
> 
> a quick disclaimer for this little epilogue part. i know that some people just don't like these epilogues, i understand. 
> 
> so if you already liked the ending in chapter 9 as a definite ending, then please don't feel obliged to read this! but if you want a little sneak peak into the future then read it :)
> 
> enjoy <3

one year later

Two wandering souls had found each other. Young and confused at first, and now so complete. How could life have ended up like this?

Changbin had moved to the south. In a small city, only a bit away from Felix. A bus trip or car drive was enough to see each other. And they gladly did. Jumping into the other's arms; like coming home.

It was easy for Changbin to get accustomed to the new environment. He never in his life had that much trouble with moving places, this move felt just like a new adventure. Perhaps the best one of his whole life. Because he dated Felix.

That was the most enjoyable but most difficult part. Not everyone around him accepted his newly discovered sexuality. Some family, for example. It never went so far as in Felix's situation, but it was hard to feel this of disapproval for just being who he was. Gladly, there were even more people who just stood with them both. Felix's friends quickly accepted Changbin in their group, creating another safe space.

Felix completely distanced himself from his father, not harming under the abuse anymore. He hadn't heard of him in forever. His grandma on the other side, stayed in the nursing home but was close in heart. The two regularly visited her. 

Now it was fall, the weather was getting colder, but nothing stopped Felix and Changbin from traveling around in their free time. Like now. 

There were two loud honks, then a high pitched laugh. 'Hyung, hurry up!'

'Yah, Lix, don't wake up the neighbourhood, I'm coming' Changbin chuckled at the blonde boy who had rolled down the window and leaned out, waiting. Changbin checked one more time and locked the front door, rushed to the blue Range Rover with the last bag of supplies. He sat down on the passenger seat, and smiled, almost jumping in agitation. 

Belts were buckled, a look was shared. Felix looked at his boyfriend and his boyfriend looked back.  
'Are you ready to go?' Felix asked, gripping his hands on the steer in the meantime. 

Changbin hummed. 'Almost.' He smiled mischievously, leaned over and pulled Felix closer, capturing his lips in a kiss. He felt the other smile, felt fingers stroking his cheek lovingly before pulling back. 

'Now I'm ready' he grinned, and Felix laughed in happiness and cheesiness of Changbin's flirting. A blush creeped on his cheeks, and he swiftly started the engine. The boy had learned to drive, and had practiced a lot before, and this was the first trip where he drove the car. Very convenient, now the two could switch roles. 

Changbin relaxed in the passenger seat, but never took his eyes off his lover, guiding and helping, or simply admiring him in silence.

'I feel stared at, stop it' Felix whined and shielded himself by holding up his hand.  
'No, you're beautiful' the other replied and confisticated the hand, holding it and resting it in between them. The road was quiet, and Felix looked over at Changbin. 

A fond smile automatically appeared, he couldn't stop it. Not that he wanted it to stop; he never wanted this love to stop. He was happy. 

He pulled his hand back to gear up, but quickly went back to the same position. And Changbin loved the way the tiny hand fit in his own. 

Just like two souls fitting together so well. Just like how they had found each other and found the missing piece, straight through all the hardships. Again, how could life have turned out like this? Well, he was forever thankful that Felix had fallen off his bike, no matter how insane that sounded, that he himself was driving there on that exact day and minute, that everything went exactly like this.

He wouldn't want it any other way. He wanted Felix, and he wanted him for the rest of his life. 

And he never lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now its really over! aaahhh :(((
> 
> i want to say a special thank you to my friends who helped me so much with this story. by proofreading, correcting, advising, the never ending support and love. i couldn't have done this without them !!
> 
> thank you everyone and have a good one <3


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